Things I Have Learned

A few things I have learned in these first two months of being the mom of two sweet babies:

1.  Going from one child to two is NO JOKE.  I knew it would be hard, but I figured if you have done it once, you can do it a million times.  That is so far from the truth it isn't even funny.  A second kid doesn't just double the work, it is about 100 times the work.  And I'm not even totally sure why.  There have been a few times that Cam has been screaming, Caroline has been crying, the dogs are on my nerves and I have just started laughing hysterically.  I try really hard to find the humor in it all, because I really don't want to be the crying girl all the time - that is not a good look.

2.  When you bring babies into this world, it is so important to have a good support system.  When it is the middle of the night and you just can't be awake for one more second, it is so amazing to have someone that will tell you to lay down and they take the baby so that you can sleep.  I can't say enough about Jason and all that he has done.  I know they are his kids, too, but he comes home from work and jumps in with 100% effort with both kids.  He does everything I need for him to do and he some how knows exactly what it is that I need for myself.  Caroline and Camden - I want you to know how amazing your Daddy is.  I wouldn't be able to do what I do without him.  I also can't say enough about my parents and Jason's parents and how great they have been.  They come up to Winston to help out and are always ready for us to come to Jacksonville or Wilmington any time we want (or need!).  I have also had lots of calls and texts from friends just checking in to see how things are going.  When you are doing the same thing day in and day out and don't have much adult conversation, those texts and calls mean the world!

3.  It is important to admit when you need help.  This is not one that I do well, but when you have a baby that is screaming for the third nap in a row for you can't even remember how many days in a row - you need some help.  You need to be able to tag some one else in so that you can go somewhere that you can't hear the crying to give yourself a break.  Even when the baby isn't crying and everyone is happy, you are still taking care of other lives.  You still need to get out of the house by yourself or have someone watch the kids so that you can take a nice, long, hot shower!

4.  Back to the 'once you have done it once' thing - just because you have gotten one child out of diapers doesn't mean that you know jack squat about what the second kid will want or need.  My first instinct is to do what we did for Caroline because that is all I know, but just about every time Cam is pretty quick to let us know that he is not Caroline!  I know this is a lesson that I will learn MANY times over through their lives, so I might as well start learning it now!

5.  The idea of having a baby in the house and the reality of it can be two very different things.  Caroline said the other day, 'Cam cries a lot.  I still like him, but he cries a lot.'  After two months, she is a lot less willing to help and a lot less interested in what he does.  He doesn't do much but cry and take away our attention, so I'm sure I'd be over that pretty quickly, too.  I know she will begin to really enjoy him when he can do stuff and she can interact with him.  Even I remembered the sweet times of Caroline being little, but didn't quite hold on to the times she was screaming or pooping on me or how annoying washing those bottles would get.

6.  I am so very lucky to get to take all twelve weeks of maternity leave.  The end is coming up in a little over 3 weeks (yikes!) and while I may get overwhelmed or just exhausted - I wouldn't trade this time for anything in the world.  I some times wish I was back at work at lunch having adult conversation, but I know that once I am back I am going to long for these days of doing nothing but taking care of my babies.  I am going to miss seeing that smile on Cam's face when he is full and in a good mood.  I am going to miss doing 'projects' with Caroline and sitting down to eat lunch with her and having our 'conversations' about whatever it is she wants to talk about that day.

7.  On Facebook and social media in general, people like to put their best foot forward.  I am guilty of this.  I will take 15 pictures and chose the one that looks the happiest.  I don't take pictures when Caroline is on the floor throwing a fit or Cam is screaming for the umpteenth hour.  It's because no one wants to remember those things and no one wants other people to know how hard our life can get.  That is why I thought it was important to add all of this to this blog.  I don't want to remember how hard these days have been, but it is part of my life.  It is part of our story and everyone else is fighting their own battle every day, too.  Honesty can be a good thing!

8.  Through all of the frustration and tears these first two months have brought, there has also been so much joy.  The way Cam came into this world I should have known that nothing with him was going to be easy!  But when he smiles at me and those eyes squint up, there is nothing like that feeling.  And when I am holding Cam after feeding him and Caroline crawls in to my lap and says, 'I know you like holding your two babies,' I feel like the luckiest person in this world.  I love everything about this sweet life that I get to live.  I am still very much in love with my very best friend and I have two of the best things that we could have ever asked for.  Life is most certainly good.

Two Months!

I just read my one month post and laughed out loud.  I'm not sure if it was the adrenaline still pumping or that the exhaustion hadn't set it yet, but my ignorance was bliss!!  I wanted with all of my heart to believe (and did believe) that he was ready for a 3 hour set schedule and sleeping in the crib.  That was definitely not the case.  One of my problems is that I remember how Caroline ended up.  I remember that she was on a three hour schedule and that she napped so nicely in her crib.  What I don't remember is how we got there.  Caroline was a really easy baby, but things got tough at some points.  I remember listening to her cry and Jason and I keeping each other from going in there with her.  I also remember crying while she cried or calling Leslie and telling her that she had been crying for 30 minutes and what to do now.  So things weren't perfect, but we block out the hard stuff so that we'll be willing to do it again!

When I took Cam to the doctor for his two week check  up, I told the doctor that I thought he had reflux.  You could hear it, you could feel it, and he spit up so much and you could tell that it hurt.  He told me that he hesitated doing anything that early.  So I went home and continued to deal with a baby that was painfully spitting up a lot.  Over the next few weeks, he would spit up all the time and had trouble staying asleep for naps. I racked my brain trying to figure out what it was that kept him from sleeping well.  Did he need to be swaddled or did his hands need to be out?  Did he need white noise or music?  Was he too hot or too cold?  Was it took dark or too light?  Was it the kind of bottle we used? I just knew that there was something I was doing to keep him from sleeping well. (Why does mom guilt have to be so strong and so terrible?!) THANKFULLY, he always did pretty well at night.  The day was just rough.  Mornings usually went smoothly, but the afternoons from about 1 - 8 were just a fight.  He would be so tired and go right to sleep when I put him down, but then wake up 10 minutes later and just fuss and fight.  The crib did not work out at 4 weeks (that is so young now that I am a few weeks out from that!), so we started putting him to sleep in our Fisher Price Rock 'N Play.  We used that in our room at night to keep him kind of upright since I suspected reflux.  He slept well at night, so I figured he would sleep ok in it during the day.  So I would just move the Rock 'N Play to his room for naps to help him get used to it.  And this was how my life was for a few weeks.  Good morning naps (enough for me to pump and shower), eating ravenously every two hours or so, and then ROUGH afternoons. I tried everything - going in, putting his paci back in, staying out, listening to him cry and crying with him, putting in my head phones and timing how long I would let him cry, etc.  NOTHING WORKED.  He would sleep for 20 minutes or so and then wake up screaming.  If I went and got him he was fine, but I was not ok with a 20 minute nap and then having to stretch him to eat again.  I knew he needed to sleep longer to get good, restful sleep.

So, Jason would come home after being at work all day, bless his heart, and I would be a stressed out, crying mess.  I had listened to my baby cry all afternoon and hadn't been able to do anything for him.  Jason would take Cam and tell me to go give Caroline a bath or he would bring dinner home so I didn't have to worry about cooking anything.  He helped me any way he possibly could and would often just make me stop, give me a hug and a kiss, and tell me that I was doing a great job.  I don't know what I would have done without him!

When Cam was 6 weeks old Jason had a bye week.  So, we loaded up with the car with both kids and both dogs and headed to Jacksonville for a long weekend.  I was dreading it because I knew he wouldn't sleep and then we would be in someone else's house bothering them.  I talked to myself on the way down and decided that I was just going to have to go with the flow because we weren't at home and he didn't really have a solid flow any way.  For some reason, he did great!  He slept great naps and was just as happy as a clam.  It was awesome for that weekend because we were able to go out just the two of us and I didn't feel bad leaving the kids with Grammie and Grandpa.  Jason was a lot of help and it ended up being a good weekend.

When we got back I thought we had turned a corner and were going to have great naps.  Not so much.  I knew it was possible, so I got even more frustrated.  Finally, the day Cam turned 7 weeks old, I called my doctor and talked to a triage nurse. I told her about his projectile spit up, trouble napping, and his overall discomfort.  After 5 minutes of taking information she sent me to an appointment scheduler because she said we needed to be seen that day.  We went in a couple of hours later and walked out with a prescription for Zantac.  Hallelujah!  What I had known 5 weeks earlier was verifiied.

I knew that was going to be the fix I had been praying for.  This would stop him from hurting and let him take good naps.  So that night we put him to bed and I had a renewed hope for the days ahead.  We woke up the next morning and naps went great (as they had been).  I put Caroline in the bed for a nap about 1 and Cam down for a nap right after.  I was washing dishes and I thought that I might actually get a nap that day.  There was my big mistake right there!  AS SOON as I laid down after getting things cleaned up - screaming.  And screaming and screaming.  I would go in and give him his paci and he would be quiet for about 2 minutes and then scream again.  I finally put my headphones in and went into our bedroom across the house.  I texted Jason and I Leslie and just wanted someone to tell me how to fix it.  They both told me that it would take time for the medicine to kick in and that I just needed to stay in our room to see if maybe he would fall asleep.  I decided I needed a nap and he was in a safe place and he would be ok if he just cried for a while.  As soon as I started to drift off (once my mind quite racing) - Caroline was beside me.  No nap for me.  I cried again.  I went and got him after a while and fed him and just went on with what I could do.  Jason eventually got home and I was a mess.  I was supposed to go to Wilmington on Sunday (this was Wednesday), so Jason texted my mom and asked her to call me and tell me to come down the next day.  I resisted initially because I hate asking for help or admitting that I need help, but I knew that I needed all that I could get.

So, the next day I loaded the kids up and we headed to Wilmington.  This was SUCH a great week because I had a lot of help all day long, Cam did some crying there so I knew it wasn't me, and Mom would tell me to get out of the house or go somewhere quiet to take a nap so that I could get some sleep and get myself back together.  She also took him at night a few times to give me a full night sleep.  Deddy and Jeffro helped, too, and were glad to take him and talk to him or feed him for me.  I am so glad that Jason helped me see that I needed some help!

When we got home I was determined to figure all of this out.  Cam had been on medicine for about 10 days and he was 8 weeks old.  He would be fine to leave crying for a while.  I happened to be scrolling through Facebook and found a video about a 'baby whisperer' and how she gets babies to sleep.  It was like a light bulb went off.  It was what we had been doing, but not all together.  That afternoon I put him down for his first nap in his crib doing what this lady said.  He took a solid hour long nap.  I didn't hold my breath.  I put him down for his next nap and he slept for a couple of hours.  There I had it - he was in his crib and sleeping!
Since then, he has slept every nap and every night in his crib.  We swaddle him and play white noise or rain the loudness of a vaccuum.  The mornings have been great (like they always have been) and he has been sleeping through the night for the past week.  We feed him around 11 and he doesn't get up until around 5.  Not too shabby for a 2 month old!  The afternoons are still a fight.  He has been on his medicine for almost 2 weeks, so I know he isn't hurting.  His spit up is a lot less painful and it is not projectile any more.  He can still soak a burp cloth, but he is doing better.  So this week, I am starting full out Baby Wise.  I am putting him down for his nap, swaddled and safe, and I am letting him cry.  I am not putting his paci back in, I am not rocking him.  None of that is helping, so he is going to have to cry himself to sleep so he can learn how to put himself back to sleep when he wakes up.  The end result will be much better sleep for him and a lot less stress for me.

I used to think people were sick when they hurt little babies for just crying, but I can understand why.  I am lucky enough to have a fantastic support system and the sense to leave him in his crib crying if I am getting frustrated.  A baby that doesn't sleep for hours a day and just cries and cries is extremely frustrating!  I know as he gets older, things will only get better!

Now on to the two month stats:

• He weighs 13 pounds!  Even with all of his spitting up, he is still gaining plenty of weight!
• He had a six week and an eight week growth spurt that ran together.  Part of his screaming and 20 minute naps did come from him being hungry.  He would down an entire bottle, only to be hungry an hour and a half to two hours later.  It was exhausting.
• He is still in size 1 diapers and size 3 clothes.  The 3/6 month and 6 month clothes aren't far away!  His toes are getting tight!
• When he is up and has a full belly, he is such a happy baby!  He smiles all the time now and is talking to all sorts of things!  He will talk to people if you get him going and he loves sitting in his bouncy seat and talking to the animals he can see.  Talking always makes him spit up if he gets super excited!
• He is totally sleeping in his crib.  He takes about 6 naps a day and sleeps up to 6 hours at night!  Getting good chunks of sleep at night is making this mama feel more normal every day!
• He had a Wonder Week that was all about his brain linking to the movements of his body.  All though he can't grab things yet, his hands have opened up and he is starting to swat at things.  When he is in his bouncy seat his legs and feet are just a movin'!
• His skin is still a hot mess in places.  He has eczema on his arms and legs, acne on his face, and cradle cap on his scalp. Hopefully, those will figure themselves out as he gets older, too!
• One of my very favorite things that he does right now is nuzzling.  When he has just eaten, or if I go in a get him out of the crib and pat his back pretty hard, he will move his head back and forth on my shoulder until he gets in the very nook of my neck.  I can feel him breathing on me and feel his eyelashes if he is blinking.  In those moments, all of the tough times and frustrations go away and I am so lucky to be this sweet boys mama!