Real Talk

Here is some honesty that may not be appropriate.

If you have read any previous posts, you have read that Caroline slept through the night at about 6 weeks old and always has, she asked to be potty trained, she asked to give up her Daci, etc.  I am by no means saying that Caroline has not provided us with plenty of frustrations, but in the grand scheme of kid raising, she has been pretty easy.  I have heard lots and lots of stories that leave me feeling very lucky.  So, the idea of another child leaves a lot of room for my imagination to go wild.  I am just hoping that maybe Jason and I produce kids that are on the easier side of the scale.  Or, maybe I'll come back to this in a couple of years and laugh my head off because my imagination came to life!

The second thing that makes me a little bit nervous is the whole 'how do you love another child as much as you love the one you already have' thing.  We are by no means the first people to have more than one child, so I know that you really do love all of your children and your heart just grows and grows and grows with each one.  The amount of love I have for Caroline is insane.  I have never known love like this.  Is it possible to love another one like this?  My mind knows that it has to be possible, but just sitting on this side of it, it is something that I am nervous about.

The third thing that makes me nervous is that Caroline's world is about to be rocked.  Being from a family of four, I completely understand the benefits of siblings.  The life lessons of sharing and coexisting with other people, life long friends that you happen to be related to, always having someone to play with and share stuff with, etc.  Right now, though, Caroline has it made.  She has our attention all the time.  We spend time with her and just her.  That will all change.  I know that it is going to be so good for her, because there are some very real detriments of being the center of attention all the time.  The process of getting to that point, though,  is not always easy.  She is really excited about being a big sister and helping and holding and doing lots of things with and for the baby.  I am just not looking forward to her wanting me or needing me and me not being able to do anything for her because I am busy with the baby.  That will very quickly be what we do and how things go, but looking into that part of my future is a bit daunting.

With all of that being said, I am over the moon excited about having another baby.  The smells, the snuggles, the sounds, the firsts, the love, watching Caroline and her brother/sister play together, grow up together.  I am really excited about it all.  This is me being real.  Aren't these fairly normal feelings and concerns?  I have a feeling it will be pretty funny to come back and read this in a year or so!