Right in the gut.

Ok, so it has now been over 3 weeks since I had my miscarriage. I really do feel like I am back to me. We had a great weekend right after it happened and things really have been great since then.

There have been a few things recently that have seriously been like a punch in the gut.

#1: Watching the Grey's Anatomy last week. First of all, she peed on a stick and it told her she was pregnant (even though it was obviously a sticker. Seriously - get someone pregnant to pee on it and make it realistic). Then, through all of her hospital drama, she had a miscarriage. I think it was kind of funny (and by funny I mean that I was sobbing. Partly because she was having a miscarriage and it made me hurt again for a second and partly because Derrick was dying and I wanted Lexi to love Sloan and not Karev) that she had one really bad cramp and then it was over. One really bad cramp + blood on the pants = miscarriage. Oh, if it were only that easy!!

#2: I saw that I had a missed call this morning from an unknown number. It is usually CVS telling me I need to pick up my prescription or the guy from BB&T calling me for the 900th time asking me if I want to get a credit card. I should just call him and tell him no thank you, but I'm going to see how long he can last. This guy is tenacious!! Well this time, no such luck. It was my ob/gyn calling me to remind me of my appointment for tomorrow afternoon. The appointment I had scheduled for my 10 week check up where we should have been able to hear the heartbeat. We are going to Fancy Gap, VA this weekend and I remember thinking when I scheduled it that we could hear the heart beat and make sure everything is ok and then we could go have an awesome Memorial Day weekend. No such luck. So I had to call them back. I'm sure I could have just not shown, but that's not nice. So I called. Knowing for sure that they had it noted somewhere that I was no longer pregnant. So the sweet girl on the other line asked for the Dr. and my name. She then asked me, with such a sweet voice, why I wasn't coming in. I hesitated for a second, and then I told her that I had had a miscarriage. She paused and tried so sweetly to tell that she was sorry. I know she hates that part of her job just as much as I hate saying it. But it felt like someone came up to me and punched me directly in the gut.


But there is a silver lining in anything when you look for it.

#1: Ja + I had joked about how many drinking events I would miss during my pregnany. The first one that came up was Memorial Day Weekend. Well take that, I will be drinking LOTS this weekend. Because I can.

#2: We are going to Virginia with Ja's best friend back home. They have an incredibly unfair situation that they have to deal with on a daily basis. They are amazingly strong and I don't know if I'd be able to do what they do. If anything, though, it is going to help me appreciate the fact that if anything was wrong with our baby, it is better for a miscarriage to happen than to live with and give life to a child that does not have the quality of life that he or she deserves.

#3: Today is the last day of real school for me. WOOHOO!!! I remember in the 8th grade my math teacher had a Koosh ball that we threw around the room and talked about our favorite memories from that class. Since I have two Junior/Senior classes and lots of mine are exempt from the exam, I decided to take some time today to just get to hang out and spend some time with these kids I have really gotten close to over this last year. We had a great time laughing about all the mishaps and all the inapproriate things that were said, like this. I will miss a lot of my kids. There will be, of course, some I will not miss as much!! Now it is on to exams. We have ELEVEN days of them, so I need to get ready. I did get a good book, which I am excited about reading during these next three weeks. And then it is SUMMER TIME!!!!!!

Gotta focus on the good stuff!!